On the eve of The MP Show’s return, the decision to try getting into the church has occurred, to a sea of comment and speculation.
My first church experience this past Sunday was a good one.
Despite much of the discussions had today on social media surrounding the reasons for it, and wether or not it’s the right thing for me in the long run, I really feel good about the whole experience in general upon reflection and that is the only thing that I can really write about tonight. There has been a lot of reflection today,as there was last night, and as there will be in the days and weeks to come.
The fact is I honestly don’t know the answers to nearly all of the questions and comments that people have asked me.
For me, church and god isn’t a set way to be or adhere, it is different in each person, and right now for me personally it is just something that I simply feel like I need to do. Throughout my life there have been moments where I’ve felt this very strong need to do something, or to call someone, or make something right, and each and every time that feeling has entered my mind there has been a reason for it which has been revealed later, fairly recently after those thoughts had entered my mind.
The most powerful examples…
The need to contact Steven on the Monday before his passing, and he died the very next day. Probably the most powerful impacting moment of my life, and easily the most painful. I wish more than anything that I picked up the phone that night and told him that our house had finally been started, and told him I was proud of him for staying in the fight for as long as he had, and maybe that little but all powerful news about our house would have perked him up enough to keep holding on for a little longer, for the knowledge of the progress more than anything.
To be honest, there are good, and extremely powerful reasons and motivation that make me want to step out of my comfort zone and see what the church is all about. Reasons like my disability and the future of that, reasons like my health, reasons like Steven and all the other mates that we’ve all lost to Muscular Dystrophy over the last couple of years, and reasons that now more than ever my disability and the restrictions of that upon my everyday life (for all that is good about those) are now more real than they have ever been before.
Something I want to stress deeply tonight is that this new journey IS NOT a way of me seeking to be healed, because my disability and disabilities like Muscular Dystrophy are NOT able to be healed, and no greater god or religious belief is ever going to change that. Fact is fact, and no one will ever be able to tell or convince me that the power of prayer will somehow fix my disability.
That’s not why I am in this. If the day ever comes that it does become so, I will get out of it.
I am sorry but that is fact, until they find a cure and it works, my disability is for life and it will only get worse. I have accepted that, but it doesn’t mean I’ve given up the fight either. Joining a church isn’t giving up, to me it is adding another string to my bow, the bow that makes the fight against this disability go, and the more strings and arrows you add to that bow, no matter where from or who by, is always going to be a good thing.
My disability, and the fight against that, is a mental game. It has never been a physical one, it has always been how you deal with the cards you are handed. Somethings you do work out well, others miserably fail, but none of the things tried were ever done in vain and none were a failure.
Maybe I feel like I will be able to fight stronger if I have god on my side? Maybe the reality of Steven’s death may not be so painful with the help of god? Maybe maybe… maybe I want to be able to thank god for all the good that has been thrown my way in this lifetime… maybe I want to thank him for my awesome family, my amazing girlfriend, and the fact that my disability hasn’t beaten me up until this point.
Finally, I just want to say a terrific thanks to everybody who has contacted me today. Some of the feedback has been good, some has been bad. I mean, when did you last see my sister of all people go on a social media rage defending her brother, that truly touched me.
My health and everything else is A OK, and for the near future everything is looking pretty good and very exciting indeed.
And don’t forget, MP SHOW returns tomorrow! I will see you on YouTube then. Really am so excited right now, it is going to be a fantastic show.